Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces
by No Wishing on the Never Star
Summary: AO. Both have a crush on the other one. Will they act on it or hopelessly try to ignore their growing infatuations, which can quite possibly cause the squad their important case? My penname was OLIVIAplusALEX4eva but is now changed!
1. Grab Thy Hand

_**Title: **__Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces♥_  
_**Author: **__OLIVIAplusALEX4eva** (Just to let you know, my penname is now changed to No Wishing on the Never Star)**__  
**Chapter Title: **__Grab Thy Hand  
__**Summary: **__Both have a crush on the other one. Will they act on it or hopelessly try to ignore their growing infatuations, which can quite possibly cause the squad their case[AO.  
__**Extended Summary: **__Both have a crush on the other one. Will they act on it or hopelessly try to ignore their growing infatuations, which can quite possibly cause the squad their case[AO Both SVU beautys are forced to go undercover with each other as a couple to break an important case, not that they mind considering they get to spend time together and they get a mini vacation to themselves for a bit afterwards, promised to them by their respective bosses. Will the squad make their important case?  
__**Genre: **__Romance / Comfort  
__**Rating: **__Rated M in later chapters  
__**Warning: **__This story, and all of my other ones for that matter, contain content between two mature, consenting adult females.  
__**Disclaimer: **__Not mine, but I just borrowed them. However, I'll get Alex(my best friend) to teach me to play poker so I can win them for keeps--I'll give Alex Cabot to Alex and keep Olivia to myself. But of course, we'll switch every other week :P (I'm just kidding with you). The characters Stephanie March and Mariska Hargitay portray belong to Dick Wolf... as do the characters that are portrayed by Christopher Meloni, Dan Florrak, Richard Belzar, and Ice T... they are nice as well, but I happen to like the ladies better (they're by far prettier!)._

_**Author's Note: **__**I used to be known as OLIVIAplusALEX4eva--however, I changed my penname to No Wishing on the Never Star.**_

* * *

"Remember, act like you two are a couple; the future of this particular case depends upon how well you can act. That means you give each other those so-called 'looks' people in love bestow upon their lovers and you hold hands when the time warrants such behaviour. You have to kiss at least three time in public; nothing too passionate if you two don't feel that comfortable with each other. I mean this, too. Make sure you do your undercover jobs," Captain Cragen reminded the two women for the fifth time since they had arrived at the hotel they were currently staying at for the duration of the criminal investigation. 

"Yes, Cap," Olivia expells a heavy breath, trying to quell her forthcoming attitude. _The men probably set Alex and I up so they can watch us make out or something for their own pleasure._

"No problem, Donald," Alex assured the overworked captain.

As the captain turned to leave, he looked back at the new couple, "Oh and Liv. Try to keep your attitude at a low minimal. It could cost us our case if your cover is blown."

Captain Cragen closed the hotel room's door and left the two women struggling to come up with simple chitchat conversation to make the situation more bearable. Don't get them wrong, the two beautiful women are the best of friends, they are just trying to keep it that way and not screw their friendship up by some trivial crush. The both of them want more from the other one, but they are too afraid to admit it to themselves, let alone to the object of admiration.

"How much you want to bet that this whole thing is a scam cooked up by the boys to see us be affectionate towards one another?" Alex groans the question Olivia's way, silently jumping for joy in her mind. "I mean, I haven't heard of this case before this week."

"Well, I hate to break it to you, boys will be boys. If they did set us up, they'll be in the receiving side of a good ass kicking, be sure of that," Olivia set before Alex some powerful words. Alex raised an eyebrow at the chosen words but said nothing but a simple, "Hmmm."

Olivia groaned and flopped on the oversized bed that they had to share. _I guess it's more believable if we sleep in the same bed..._

Alex laid down beside Olivia's tense body and grabbed her warm hand, gently laying the twined limbs between the two in the middle of the bed. Olivia looked over towards Alex with a confused expression written on her face but said nothing. Alex mirrored Olivia's simple move and looked at Olivia's slight blush that coloured the Detective's cheeks. "Practice."

"What? Practice? What do you mean?"

This time Alex blushed a rosey pink colour, "Practice for this case. I don't like to hold hands with a person who always has cold hands. Yours are warm so that's a good sign," Alex clarified plainly. Olivia simply smiled at Alex's obvious nervous rambling and squeezed her delicate hand, enjoying the rosey tinge that brightened her companion's pale complexion.

"Likewise, my dear, likewise."

"Dear?" Alex blue eyes widened a bit at the brunette.

"We have to get used to calling each other 'dear' and stuff like that. I mean, isn't that what couples do? I don't remember; it's been so long since my last relationship!" Olivia teased self-depreciatively.

_I don't know why. With the way she looks it'd seem that there'd be a line waiting at her apartment door the size of every bank's line in the city on payday, _Alex thought inwardly. "With the way you look? Impossible! You are beautiful on the inside _and_ outside; you'll be a wonderful catch to a lucky man someday."

Olivia sat up and leaned against the thick wooden headboard, Alex following suit. The Detective cringed at the word 'beautiful' and Alex caught the slight shudder. "Why do you hate to refer to yourself as beautiful?"

"I'm not girly. Only girly-girls are beautiful," Olivia scowled.

_**You are so much more than meets the eye.**_

"No, that's not true, Liv. You're absolutely beautiful, even if you can't see it yourself. I don't lie about this kind of thing. You're absolutely gorgeous, Livvie."

"Please don't call me that," Olivia begged indigently.

"Sure, I'll stop. I'm sorry," Alex obliged without protest.

"My mother used to call me that when she was shit-faced drunk," Olivia clarified without really having to offer an explanation of some sort to the blonde beside her.

_**So break me down if it makes you feel right.**_

_"Get me another beer, Livvie!" _Olivia mocked out loud, shuddering yet again at the horrific memory.

_**And hate me now if it keeps you alright, oh.**_

Alex sensed Olivia's discomfort and she quickly laid a reassuring hand on Olivia's warm cheek, "If you need to talk, day or night, I'm here. I know what it was like to grow up with a alcoholic parent. I've been there, dealt with that."

Olivia reached up and cupped the nape of Alex's neck, bringing her in for a soft embrace, wrapping her free arm around her companion's slender waist. "Thanks. I really didn't have any one to talk to growing up. I was so isolated at school because of the circumstances surrounding my young life--no one knew the exact details but that didn't stop them from spreading the hurtful rumours," Olivia whispered, her breath tickling Alex's long, delicate neck.

"I wish I would have known you back then," the blonde murmured softly, her lips dangerously close to the brunette's ear.

_You could have saved me from myself, protected me from my mom, and defended me from my own life, _Olivia thought to herself as a tear fell from her misting eyes. Suddenly Alex pulled back and looked Olivia in the eyes. Olivia down-casted her eyes, averting eye contact, hoping Alex wouldn't catch her crying. But of course, like a good friend would, she did.

Alex cupped Olivia's prominent jaw in her hands and thumbed her tears away softly, running the smoothness of her thumb's pads across Olivia's cheek. "It's okay to cry, honey," Alex whispered more to herself than Olivia, at the moment.

Remembering back to her childhood, of the terrible treatment she'd received from fellow classmates and her own _mother_ all for no apparant reason other than the obvious, Olivia broke down and began to weep in Alex's embrace.

_**Wounds are ways to reveal us. . .**_

The Detective clung to Alex's small frame and felt a twang of easiness when she squeezed the small body in her arms, when she felt someone who cared actually hug her when she needed a shoulder to cry on no matter how childish the reasons seemed to be at the current moment.

Olivia gradually began to calm herself down a bit.

_Will not be shaken and jump into this and be persuasive, just carry on. Make my mind up to go through this or be firm and sit in silence, _Olivia internally fought herself. Finally she came to an important decision--one that was extremely difficult to make, given the circumstances that were set before her.

Olivia slowly recoiled from the warm, comfortable position of the crook of Alex's neck and gazed up in Alex's misting blue eyes. She brought her trembling hand up from the blonde's waist and gently laid it half way on Alex's jawline by her ear and Olivia let her fingers splay out on her companion's pale neck, feeling the pulse point throb erratically with beautiful life.

The living pulse grew more and more irregular--speedy--with each inch that Olivia closed between them. Alex let out a little feverish moan the first time their lips met together, deliberately moving against each others' in a series of slow, passionate movements.

_**Breathe, trust, bless me and release**_

The blonde carefully snaked her arms around Olivia's back, gripping tightly to her jean clad hips. Alex tugged abruptly until Olivia came gently crashing into her, resting her on top of her own trembling body.

Olivia settled against Alex's lap, but hovered above her legs, afraid that she would crush Alex's slender frame beneath her.

_**Hold my breath til you rapture.**_

Alex would have none of that. She made the second move of the night so far; she grasped Olivia's hips and drove Olivia's body down onto her own lap a little harder than the first time.

Alex relished in the warmth radiating off Olivia's body and enjoyed the sound of her soon to be lover gasp in surprise when she practically thrusted Olivia into herself.

**You'll never break me . . .**

* * *

**Since you've already read the story, or so I assume since you are reading this, please review. I need all the encouragement I can get. By the way, I have a favour to ask. I'm in need of a couple of good ideas for my English class. We have to choose a famous person to do a biography report on and I'm stuck. I was wanting to take a shot at Freddy Mercury(lead singer of Queen), Margaret Cho, Jane Austen(wrote Pride & Prejudice-I think), or Nancy Garden(has written a couple of books about teenagers and their sexual orientation). I want there to be a sub-theme bordering lesbianism, or bi-sexuality, if possible. If you could think of any suggestions, please message me in a review or PM, thanks a bunch!**

_**I used to be known as OLIVIAplusALEX4eva--however, I changed my penname to No Wishing on the Never Star.**_

**To Be Continued.**


	2. Wonder What's Next

**Author's Note: **To Elle May, since I couldn't reply to your annon. review, I thought I'd find a way to reply anyways. Thanks for the suggestion of Jane Austen! I was actually thinking about doing the report about her before I had even written this story. I wanted it to have a sub-theme of lesbianism. Did they really suspect her of being a lesbian? WOO HOO! She does have nice, tasteful, classic books, though.

We had to write two fiction short stories for English class since school has started, and I always wrote Femmeslash, no matter what type of story it had to be! (I NEVER EVER write hetero Fanfiction). There was this one time, the first short story assignment, and we had 2 weeks to get it done(she assigned it on a Friday). I, of course, had it done by the end of the weekend and I brought it in to class the following Monday. She was surprised because nobody else had it finished in all her classes. I found that to be funny. Anyways, I was absolutely mortified because the next week we spent 2 whole days reading our classmate's individual stories and editting them, adding comments on their work and such (Just like on fanfiction) and I had to let more than 5 people read my story. And they were all like, "What's femmeslash?" When I explained it to them they raised an eyebrow but kept reading. Good thing they liked it! Lol, no one commented on the Lesbianism that was prominent throughout the story (The two female characters had kissed twice in the story and they cuddled and laid together in bed since it took place during the night, NO SEX THOUGH... this is school after all); I thought for sure they would since... hello, it's cruel teenagers in highschool! Of course they would say mean things! I'm glad they didn't though. It was about one of the characters had cutting problems because of their childhood growing up and her mother's drinking and the other one was trying to help her to stop. When I finished it and read it out loud it sounded a bit like Olivia and Alex, so I just changed the names to theirs. I turned in a Fanfiction story, written by me of course, for English class! Has anyone else done that before?

Lol, I think my teacher, Miss Packman, finds them interesting because she left me a comment about my first story... Anyways, enough of my rambling... On with the story!

* * *

"Alex, Al... stop," Olivia gasped out slowly, softly. Alex stopped sucking on Olivia's pulse point and moved her head from beneath the brunette's chin to catch her companion's eyes. 

"What's wrong?" Alex asked, a bit nervous and embarrassed. So she _had_ read the signs wrong. Olivia was probably confused, add vulnerable to the list too, and she just took advantage of her best friend.

_What's wrong with me? Here she is straddling my lap because I pushed her onto me. My friend needed emotional aid and I used that as leverage!_, Alex chided herself mentally.

"I... uh, I can't do this," Olivia stammered, stumbling and tripping over her words.

Olivia saw the disappointment flit across Alex's eyes before the blonde closed them and threw her head back against the wooden headboard. Olivia saw Alex lift her hands up from the brunette's hips and place them over her flustered and flushed face.

Olivia had a pretty adequate view of Alex's reaction since she was settled on her lap so she didn't miss the frustrated groan coming forth from Alex.

"What's wrong with you?" Olivia inquired, practically spitting the questions at Alex, souding a bit harsher than she originally intended. Deciding that Alex deserved to receive some attitude, she cynically laughed the next statement, "I don't put out like you want and little Miss Princess gets mad? Well, you can take this case and shove it up your impertinent a--"

"Olivia!" Alex interrupted before Olivia could finish her little rant. "I wasn't mad with you! I was angry at myself; I almost took advantage of your vulnerability for fuck's sake! Besides, I do recall you were a willing participant until seconds ago," Alex cut Olivia a look that meant business.

The anger disappeared from Olivia's magnificent puddle brown eyes as quickly as it had came. Her eyes softened, and she smiled a sheepish smile at Alex. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten so short tempered with you. I should have clarified more clearly, from before when I told you to stop, was that I wasn't ready to seal the deal yet. We should take things slow. Hell, I'm not even sure if we're more than friends. We just sort of jumped into this without looking, figuratively speaking."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have grabbed you and sat you on my lap like that. It was just a natural reaction with you. When you kissed me, a lot of emotions flooded my usually logic thinking. I was already just so comfortable with you that it made sense for us to be more than friends. I didn't even know where you stand on this."

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean," Olivia said softly, running the soft arch of her hand along Alex's warm cheek in a loving touch. "When I see you strut through the courtrooms and the precinct, I just want to eat you up!" Alex chuckled at Olivia's choice words.

"Every _single _time I see you sitting in your desk chair leaning back, legs spread out in a comfortable sitting position, I just want to stand between them and lean down and kiss you senseless!" Alex admitted.

Olivia gave her a lop-sided grin and cocked her head to the side, "Why didn't you?"

"And give the boys a free show? Please!" Alex flashed Olivia a beautiful smile.

Olivia nodded her head in agreement and gushed, "You look so ethereal and angelic when you smile!"

"Aww, Liv! That was the sweetest thing anyone have ever said to me. I love when you're carefree without all the stress. You always look so... yummy when you do that lop-sided grin!"

Alex abruptly grabbed Olivia's face cheeks and squeezed them together a bit so that she imitated a fish... a very attractive fish. Olivia's eyes twinkled down at Alex as Alex leaned up and placed a kiss to her lips, giggling at the silly way Olivia looked.

"You find that funny, do ya?" Olivia interrogated, feigning a menacing attitude, trying to shoot Alex an amused look. Alex grinned broadly with an arched eyebrow and leaned up, "So what if I do?" Alex challenged, sticking out her tongue playfully.

"Then I'll have to arrest you, Miss," Olivia bantered back.

Alex let go of Olivia's face and crossed her arms over her chest, "With your handcuffs?"

Olivia smiled genuinely and nodded, "Sorry Miss, but that's the rules."

"Well, it looks like I have no choice but to obey your every command, Officer."

"That's Detective, Ma'am. Detective Benson," Olivia used a forceful tone, smiling down at Alex to let her know that she was joking around with her.

"Okay, De--," Alex didn't get to finish her setence because her stomach rumbled.

Olivia laughed lightly and moved off of Alex's lap and got off the bed. Holding out her hand to the embarrassed blonde, Olivia offered, "Come on, let's go get something to eat. I hear this hotel doesn't make all that great of a meal so let's go to the Italian resturant I saw down the street from the hotel. I hear they have delicious fettuccini alfredo, and I know how much you love your alfredo. It's on me."

Alex smiled gratefully and took the outstretched hand, using it to help her get up off the bed and onto her feet. "Thanks, that sounds lovely."

Olivia smirked and looped her arm through Alex's, leading them out of their room's door.

* * *

They located the little Italian resturant easily and they walked in together, holding hands without a single care in the world. 

It smelled just like home to Alex. The aroma smelled just like the savory home cooked meals her mother used to create out of thin air, it seemed. You could set before Alex's mother, Sophia, any kind of ingredient and she could fashion the most delicious meal you would have ever eaten. It was a bit ironic; Alex's mother could have been an Italian chef, but Alex couldn't cook or bake to save her life.

They ordered two styrofoam cartons of food; one fettuccini alfredo for Alex and one of spaghetti for Olivia. The cashier handed Olivia the bag of Italian goodness after the brunette had paid for their meal and Olivia grabbed Alex's hand, squeezing it lovingly.

Alex smiled at the cashier when the young lady gave them knowing smiles. "Come on honey, let's go back to the hotel," Olivia coaxed as the couple reached the exit, shooting the still staring young cashier a grin. The cashier winked at them and laughed lightly, "Now there goes a cute couple," she whispered to herself.

* * *

Olivia held the door open for Alex, walking in behind her. They walked silently through the large lobby room, up a flight of deeply carpeted stairs, down a long hallway, and into their rented room with an picturesque view of the river. 

Alex grabbed the food from Olivia's grasp, "Go on and get comfortable. I'll bring your food and drink in to you. Go change out of your clothes."

Olivia raised her eyebrows, "Into what, might I ask?"

Alex blushed crimson and her voice faltered as she stumbled over her words, "Your comfortable clothes. Did you happen to bring your pajamas?"

"Therein lies the problem," Olivia grinned mysteriously.

"Uhh... W-what do you mean?" Alex inquired, sounding a bit choked up by trying to get the mature pictures of a nude Olivia out of her mind.

"I like to sleep naked," Olivia smirked at Alex when she saw the blonde's eyes go wide.

"Oh... Well, that's... interesting," Alex busied herself with piling the food on their respective plates.

Olivia laughed good-naturedly and laid her hand on Alex's shoulder, enjoying the movement of muscles rippling under her touch. "Don't worry, Alex. I brought something decent to wear to bed."

"Okay, that's fine, I guess."

Olivia thought she detected a hint of disappointment laced through Alex's tone, but said nothing.

Olivia turned to her suitcase and pulled out some clothes, leaving the connected rooms to the bathroom the two women have to share for awhile.

Five minutes later Olivia came out in some black boxer shorts with a colourful rainbow streaking across the back and a black tank top. Alex had been sitting on the sofa when Olivia entered the room and gasped when she saw Olivia's althetic rock climbing legs. Olivia winked, grinning at the blonde and thumbed towards the bathroom, "Your turn, cutie."

Alex giggled, blushing a bright pink. She set out to the bathroom and changed. She shuffled her way over to the couch where Olivia was now seated and cleared her throat.

Olivia looked up at Alex and smiled widely.

Alex wore a robe of pure liquid white silk and she couldn't of looked more like an angel if she wore a halo, too.

Olivia couldn't keep her eyes from wandering over Alex's perfect body wrapped up in the silk robe, and Alex could tell. Alex caught her staring on more than one occasion but she didn't mind.

"We're like total opposite right now," Alex observed.

"Huh? What'd you say?" Olivia asked, too stunned at Alex's appearance to pay attention to what the blonde was trying to get through to her. Alex laughed and snapped her fingers, tugging Olivia out of her reverie of fantasys.

"I mean everything about our appearance is the polar opposite. You have shaggy brown hair––which I absolutely love––, dark clothing, dark olive coloured skin that looks so yummy and sweet, and dark mysterious brown eyes," Alex explained.

"Well, you have straight blonde hair, electric blue eyes, white clothing, and fair skin that looks so delectable that I just want to have a taste for myself," Olivia revealed her feelings, laying her heart completely open, raw, and vulnerable to Alex.

Alex's breath hitched as she heard Olivia speak those powerful words.

The moon came out from behind the cloud and a pale light caressed Alex's features. _She looks just so heavenly. I just want to run my hands through her long silken blonde hair and kiss her like there's no tomorrow. I want to make love to her but I won't rush this. I can't rush it, whatever we are and what we may become, given the time to let our relationship grow and expand, I want it to last._

Alex, of course, was thinking the same thing about Olivia, and she knew that it could be dangerous to the case. She needed a plan to divert their libido until the criminal investigation was over with. "Let's eat our dinner and watch a movie or something. Hey, I've got an idea. I can give you a shoulder massage while we watch the movie; you seem a little stressed out right now." Alex brought Olivia's plate to her and Alex sat on the sofa beside Olivia and started to eat.

They ate in comfortable silence and relaxed in each other's company.

Olivia found a Golden Girls marathon on and Alex willingly agreed to watch it.

"Ooh! I love this show!" was Alex's reply to Olivia's offer to watch it.

Olivia grinned and sighed deeply, feeling the stress melt away, even if it be momentarily.

They finished their dinner and Olivia offered to do the dishes. As she did the dishes, Alex leaned against the sofa's arm and spread her legs out waiting for Olivia's return. Olivia walked into the living room and was surprised to see that Alex had the whole sofa.

Alex patted the space between her outstretched legs, signaling for Olivia to sit down and lean back against her. Olivia did what she was instructed to do and Alex began kneading the nape of Olivia's strong neck, relishing in the breathing movements she felt vibrate through Olivia's back, which was against the front of her own body.

Alex sat for a while, watching Olivia's breathing grow steady and deep.

After about fifteen minutes of giving Olivia a neck and shoulder massage, Olivia was out like a light.

Alex smoothed a few strands of hair away from Olivia's forehead.

Olivia being asleep gave Alex ample opportunity to study Olivia's features closely. When she slept, Olivia looked so peaceful and serene; her faint worry lines seemed to disappear giving her a false sense of security for the time being. Alex assumed Olivia dreamed about the perps and victims every night, like she did herself. And it scared her. She was going to protect Olivia from whatever and whoever she could, no matter how hard the task proved to be.

Olivia frowned, burrowing and snuggling deeper into her soft pillow, which just so happened to be Alex. Alex smiled at the childish way Olivia clung to her when she slept and dropped a kiss to the head nuzzling unconsciously against her chest.

The weight of sleep began to pull on Alex's body and she finally allowed it to take her.

_**Ignoring a loss of sight,  
**__**afraid to blink.  
**__**I might lose the sun,  
**__**but don't make this out to be more  
**__**than it is. **_

_**Healing has to begin in the past. . .**_

* * *

Review, please. It took me two whole hours of writing to come up with this chapter! Lol, that's nothing! It usually takes me about 5 hours per chapter because I have all these distractions, a.k.a my family. Lol, thanks for all reviews. 


	3. The Fire

**Chapter 3: The Fire**

_**If you can't fall in love with your best friend, who can you fall in love with?**_

"Liv? Liv, where are you?" Alex called out softly, feeling no weight on top of her body. As Alex's eyes slowly adjusted, a dark blob in the middle of the large spacecous room slowly resolved itself into the form of Olivia. "Olivia? Honey, what are you doing on the floor?"

"Alex?" The question sounded contemplative, as though Olivia were thinking out loud.

"Yeah, it's Alex, Olivia," Alex murmured, getting off of the couch to come rescue Olivia up off the floor. Alex bent down and grabbed ahold of Olivia's waist, pulling the brunette to her feet. Olivia stood there awkwardly, swaying back and forth unevenly.

"The cow had purple spots and a striped nose?" Olivia tried to persuade Alex to listen to her unconscious, hardly coherent rambling. Alex furrowed her brows but nodded nonetheless, "Come on, Liv. Let's get you to bed before you fall down, I'm assuming again."

_How come I didn't hear her fall?, _Alex wondered inwardly.

Olivia nodded and let up her control, letting Alex push and pull her to the bed. Olivia climbed into bed and curled herself into a tight ball while Alex returned to the living room to clean up a few things left from a few hours ago. While she was out of Olivia's sight, Alex shed her liquid white robe in favour of a white tee-shirt and gray yoga pants.

"Argh!" Olivia sounded frustrated now, like she needed something done but couldn't manage it herself.

When Alex came back to the bed, she looked over at Olivia's shivering body curled in a secure form.

Alex realized that Olivia couldn't reach the covers so she had given up and fell asleep despite being cold. Sighing, Alex gathered the blanket and threw it over Olivia and herself, drawing it up to their neck. As soon as Alex had moved and gotten in a comfortable position, Olivia unconsciously wrapped her cold arms around Alex's body and was using her as a pillow, yet again.

Alex was too far off sleeping to realize what was happening, but if she were to be awake, she wouldn't have minded anyways. Whatever it took to get Olivia close, physically and mentally.

* * *

_**Now I can't breathe,  
**__**no I can't sleep.  
**__**I'm barely hanging on.**_

Olivia had slid down the wall and was hunkered down on the floor, inhaling and exhaling erratically. Olivia felt like she couldn't breathe. She was trying to gulp in long, slow breaths but it felt like she couldn't fill her lungs to their need.

Alex heard the soft gasps coming forth from Olivia and she bolted out of bed as fast as she could. "What's wrong, Liv? Are you okay?" Alex practically yelled, not really waiting for a reply.

"Do you need an ambulance, sweetie?"

Olivia shook her head lamely and doubled over. Alex kneeled down beside her and began rubbing her back, feeling the laboured breaths rattle Olivia's weak, trembling body.

Fear and panic rose in Alex's chest. _What if Olivia is dying?! _

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before Olivia's breathing miracously bettered itself slowly. When her breathing finally settled down, Alex helped the lagging brunette to her feet and on to the sofa.

"My life is such a drama," Olivia whispered, putting a hand over her own fast-paced beating heart. Alex brought up her hand and curled it around Olivia's, "Honey, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I think I'm fine," Olivia almost chuckled—if it was even possible at this given moment—at Alex's motherly demeanor. Alex was so worried, fearful, and scared that it seemed comforting to Olivia, knowing that she cared, even though she could barely catch her breath when it was all happening.

"You scared me! I mean, I wasn't sure if you'd be okay. I was just so...," Alex broke down and cried, the hot searing tears streaming down her overly animated face, "worried."

_**I'm torn into pieces,  
**__**can't deny it,  
**__**can't pretend.**_

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, sweetie. I think it was a panic attack or something. I'm fine now," Olivia murmured, wrapping an arm around Alex's neck, bringing the blonde's head to her chest. Olivia felt Alex's tears soak through her shirt but she didn't mind. She didn't care that she could have died just moments before, or maybe it wasn't _that _serious. All that mattered to her was that Alex was safe, secure, and happy. And she would do all she could to make Alex all of those three, no matter the costs.

Olivia leaned back against the sofa's arm and slid down to a laying position, motioning for Alex to follow suit. Alex leaned against the brunette and cuddled into her arms, nuzzling against her companion's ample chest. Alex relished in the fact that Olivia was breathing, that she could feel the deep, even breaths against her searching ear.

"Let's get a few more hours of rest before the day actually starts," Olivia whispered to the nuzzling blonde who had her ear directly over her heart and her hand splayed out against Olivia's stomach. _She must be checking to make sure I'm breathing and alive, _Olivia thought with a small, tired smile.

_**It's nice to know that you have someone who cares.

* * *

**__**Listen closely, I'm lost without you. . .**_

The sleepish Alex, still clinging to Olivia, woke up weary eyed. Alex felt the heartbeat under her ear and steady breathing against the palm of her hand. With a confused smile, the blonde looked up and her eyes focused on a supposed sleeping brunette.

Alex's smile grew wider when she saw Olivia peek quickly down at her and then close her eyes so she didn't get caught, a vain attempt, of course. The regal blonde caught Olivia red-handed, like a mother who catches a little one with their small hands in the cookie jar reaching for that forbidden, bittersweet cookie before dinner.

Alex decided to give Olivia a proper awakening. She slid her body up a little and moved her hand to grip Olivia's side, rubbing the pad of her thumb across the warm olive skin that was exposed due to her shirt riding up a bit. Olivia didn't stir at all.

Not delivering a too passionate kiss, just one to do the job, Alex pressed her lips to Olivia's. Kissing her top lip, then bottom, Alex then captured Olivia's mouth once, pulling back afterwards licking her lips, tasting a subtle aroma of pure Olivia on them.

_Is it possible to fall in love in such a short period of time?, _Alex thought. At the same time, Olivia was thinking, _This has been 2 years in the making._

Opening her brown eyes, Olivia offered a huge pleased smile to Alex. In a husky voice laden with sleep, Olivia thanked her, "Mmm. . . Nice alarm clock."

Alex laughed lightly and pecked a kiss on Olivia's cheek, "You should of pressed the snooze button."

"What would happen if I pressed this 'said' button?" Olivia inquired with a curious, charming grin.

"Too late. You should've thought of that before," Alex sang in a sing-song voice, smiling up at her prey.

Olivia pouted, jutting her bottom lip out expertly. She gave Alex her most pitiful look; brown doe eyes big with anticipation and pure want.

"Oh, alright. If I must," Alex sigh dramatically, giving Olivia a wink. "Sit up, please."

Olivia did as she was told and pulled Alex onto her lap. Alex giggled at Olivia's chivalrous nature and looked down at her couch-mate, due to being elevated on Olivia's lap.

Alex's eyes flickered down at Olivia's lips and the gesture didn't go unnoticed by Olivia. Alex tilted Olivia's head back gently by her hair, purposely giving herself better access.

Olivia's eyes fluttered shut and her heart leapt with excitement as Alex tentatively touched their lips together in a chaste, innocent kiss.

Alex broke the kiss and pulled back, looking down at Olivia's face. Her eyes were closed; long, delicate lashes served as an alluring ornamental fringe framing them. She couldn't of looked more beautiful if she was naked in her unclothed glory standing before Alex. Olivia's mouth was parted, round and full lips almost touching each other, giving her a sensual, natural mask of pure pleasure. Her shaggy, cropped hair was delicately pillowed against the back of the sofa, serving as a halo to this comely angel.

"Oh Alex," a moan escaped Olivia's tempting mouth, her lips slightly pursed in complete concentration. Alex was trapped in a purple foggy haze; her senses having no free will, but it wasn't a problem for either of the aroused women. Alex lowered her head and nuzzled Olivia's ear with her swollen lips, nipping her companion's sensitive earlobe, pulling it gently with her teeth, eliciting a hearty growl from Olivia.

"Alexandra, oh God, Alex," Olivia breathed temptuously, her eyes still closed, as Alex descended down her long, exposed neck. Flattening her tongue, she ran it from the lowest part of Olivia's exposed cleavage—well, what her tank top would afford—all the way up to her chin, gently nipping the bronzed, prominent feature.

With one slight placement of her lips, Alex's lips were by Olivia's mouth. Alex kissed Olivia's bottom lip before taking it into her mouth and nibbling it. Gently pulling the flesh with her teeth when she pulled back, letting go of it.

Olivia, who had let up all control and handed it to Alex without hesitation, now decided she was going to try something for herself; something that would obviously give them both pleasure. Olivia captured Alex's kissed-swollen lips over again and again, bringing a hand up to gather a fistful of blonde hair whilest the other hand stayed connected to the blonde's hip, caressing the exposed skin afforded by her tee-shirt.

_**Blood courses through my veins.  
It fuels my soul and desires.  
It drives my passion.  
The fire.**_

* * *

**_Please review. There'll be more chapters after this, with fluff, and maybe smut when their relationship gets stronger but only if you're good ;- and I'm working on the crime part separately, but it will be added in to the future chapters, just bare with me. I'm still working on The Bed; it has been on the back burner to FBINS(this story) and Five Reasons, but will be moved up in my list to-get-done. Sadly, that little poem above does not belong to me; I found it randomly on the internet but forgot who wrote it, sorry!_**

**To Be Continued.**


	4. Lyden Joel

**Chapter 4: Lyden Joel**

This was it; their last night together to mingle and make idle conversation while trying to avoid commensating a relationship they weren't officially committed to yet, before they had to get immensely involved in the case currently at hand. Sure, they have already heavily, heatedly made out, stroked skin that was supposed to be off limits to just-friends, cuddled together, and laid in the darkness searching for the right words to characterize how they feel about starting a lesbian relationship with each other. But they had stopped at that, they hadn't made love yet even though both women were dying to feel the other inside of them in the most intimate way possible.

With each other. . . The words sounded foreign in Alex's thoughts.

What would Alex's overly regal, haughty mother think? Her only daughter a lesbian?

She no longer cared what her bastard father thought. He decided to pull back from pursuing the duties of a normal father and he drank himself into oblivion while screwing his intern. She had had enough of him coming home smelling distinctly of erroneous sex, seeing him break her mother's heart over and over again, having to answer her little brother's inevitable questions as to why 'daddy' was the way he was.

_"Why is Daddy mean to us?"_

_"Does Daddy love me? He never reads to me anymore!"_

_"Why is Mommy crying?"_

_"What's a divorce? Mommy said she was going to divorce Daddy!"_

_"Why is Daddy packing his clothes?"_

_"Why is there a cab waiting in the front drive? Why is Daddy leaving me? Where is he going? Will he ever come back? Why didn't he say good-bye?"_

Her father's nightly ritual consisted of coming home drunk and recently screwed, grabbing a half-empty bottle of vodka out of the fridge and heading to his office isolated from his needy family. He barely said _I love you_ to any of them anymore. Suddenly the good night kisses stopped coming, the nightly reading his kids to sleep had discontinued, and the happiness literally drained from the whole household.

Sometimes she felt as though she was her brother's mother. Their mother stayed in her room, she barely came out to check on her own children. She slept most part of the day, scarcely ate, and cried constantly.

Alex took over the maternal role, taking her brother to school, helping him with his homework, cleaning up after him, doing the laundry, making his meals, entertaining him, reading to him at nights. She was the only one who told him she loved him, made sure he was taken care of properly, and that he was getting a useful education. She taught him how to count, how to say his ABCs, and how to tie his shoes. She taught him how to properly put his toys away when he was done playing with them, how to make a peanut-butter and banana sandwich, and how to read.

Lyden Joel Cabot. She had been around the age of fifteen when this all started happening, her brother only being about five. He was very articulated for being such a little boy, his attitude very happy and merry. He could sense the sad atmosphere around his house, his home, which was supposed to be a safe haven but was the polar opposite. Alex soon forgot about her own tribulations and worried and fussed over her brother. She'd feel sorry for him when she went to her friends or went shopping or something similar, so she'd let him tag along. The group of teenage friends would take their little siblings to the park and watch them play together while chatting about the usual girl stuff.

She loved to see him smile, and it seemed that a smile only graced his lips when it was just the two of them hanging around or playing at his favourite park. Their park visits became a daily thing. As soon as she picked him up from kindergarten they'd go home a pack a snack for them. They'd walk down to the park that was just down the street and she'd watch him play or run around laughing and giggling with him while engaging in a game of tag with her innocent brother.

They'd come home after a few hours and she'd sit him down at the kitchen table and help him with his homework while she made their dinner, or tried to. No matter how bad her cooking was, her brother still ate it with no protests. She loved to watch him giggle when she accidentally burnt some dish, watching as the smoke rolled around the kitchen while Alex tried, in vain, to clear the house of the putrid smell. He'd sat there at the kitchen chair, that he was scarcely tall enough for, and giggle unceasingly.

Her mother, Sophia, was an amazing cook, but she just gave up on life for a few months after their father began his drinking and cheating tirade.

They were inseparable. They'd probably still would be if... that hadn't of happened. It's been fourteen years and she still can't let go of it. He was only six years old, dammit. He didn't deserve. . . _that._

_**These wounds won't seem to heal.  
This pain is just too real.  
There's just too much that time cannot erase.**_

_Why didn't I save him? If I had gotten there minutes earlier..._

_**I'm bound by the life you left behind.  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams.**_

Alex was sitting on the couch with Olivia's head lying on a pillow in her lap. Olivia lay on her back so that she'd be looking up at Alex, smiling whenever the blonde looked down at her. Olivia's hand traveled down Alex's arm, the one that lay on the Detective's stomach, slowly. She laced her fingers with Alex's, rubbing the back of her hand with her thumb.

"What are you thinking about?" Olivia's voice drifted through Alex's head, ripping Alex from her unpleasant reverie.

"My little brother," Alex spilled, not hesitating like she normally would.

"I didn't know you had siblings, Al. What's he like?" Olivia smiled up at Alex, urging her to describe him.

"I don't... I don't have a brother anymore," Alex's voice faltered, betraying her façade. She looked away, "He died."

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry. If you don't mind my asking, what happened?" Olivia comforted Alex by squeezing her hand.

"My father was supposed to watch him while I was at piano practice. I left him there with the promise that I'd be back at exactly 5:00 p.m. He wanted to swim in the underground pool we had and father was supposed to watch him! Father went inside to get fucking alcohol and left him by himself! My brother was only six, he didn't know how to swim. He drowned by the time my father came back, which by the way, by the time he did _finally _care to check up on him he was shit-faced drunk. I came home at the time promised only to find my little brother's lifeless body floating face first in the pool and my father holding a vodka bottle in one hand and his car keys in the other. He was going to run away and leave my brother like that!" Alex's voice cracked with tears.

"I jumped in the pool and dragged his dead body up onto the built-in deck and tried to do CPR but it was a futile attempt. I left my brother's body only for a couple of seconds, to grab my father's keys from his alcohol-slowed hands and to kick the shit out of him," Alex continued, leaving her tears unchecked.

The only thing keeping her together at the moment was Olivia's warmth in her hand, squeezing her, giving her strength.

Alex shook her head quickly, "He was dead. There was nothing I could do to save him. I was too late."

"Sweetie, it wasn't your fault. You need to know that, Alex," Olivia sat up, taking Alex's shaking form into her arms, letting her own sad tears stream down her face.

"I know, but I can't help but to wonder. What if I stayed at home with him? Would he still be alive?" Alex trembled, clutching Olivia while burying her face in the Detective's neck, feeling her short cropped hair tickle her forehead.

"He's in a better place now, as cliché as that sounds, I believe it's true. I wish I could've met him if he was anything like you. What was his name?" Olivia murmured into Alex's long blonde hair, trying to get her to remember some of her happy memories.

"Lyden Joel Cabot. I was sixteen when he was six. He would've turned twenty-one on June fourth of this year," Alex smiled fondly at the mention of his name. In the last fourteen years she had not spoken his name once, and it felt so right with Olivia. It felt... good to let out all of her emotions escape without caring of looking too weak in Olivia's eyes.

"That's a beautiful name. So that makes you two about ten years apart. Am I right?" Olivia inquired, reaching a hand up to brush some errant strands of hair from off Alex's face.

"Yeah, ten years," Alex shifted uncomfortably. Olivia got the hint and sat Alex on her lap so that she was facing her, with her head still laying on her shoulder.

"I feel so safe in your arms. I mean, you aren't even 'mine', so to speak, and yet you make me so comfortable and safe," Alex murmured, caressing Olivia's cheek; a carefully orchestrated casual touch, but understandably intimate at the same time.

"I love to hold you. It just feels so... homely and appropriate," Olivia smiled and kissed her head. To hold her felt so foreign, yet so right.

Alex looked up from Olivia's neck and whispered, "I. . . I think I'm ready for there to be an us. I mean, if you are, that is?"

Olivia's startled look made Alex embarrassed and bashful, but her answer was unexpected to the blonde, "I've been ready since the first time I met you. But, I want us to take this slow. I think if we go slower, we'll end up staying together longer."

Alex smiled and wiped her drying tears, "Yeah."

"But you do realize that I'm quite a few years older than you? I'm thirty-eight years old," Olivia nervously began to play with her companion's pale blonde hair.

"You're not that much older than me. I'm almost thirty-one years old, honey," Alex assured her, splaying her hand over Olivia's flat, well toned stomach.

Olivia threaded her fingers through Alex's, resting them back on her own stomach. She lightly ran her thumb over Alex's palm.

"So, what do you want to do?" Olivia asked, shying away from deep conversation to soothe Alex's anxiety.

"I don't know," came the hoarse reply. Alex closed her eyes, and kissed the underside of Olivia's chin.

"How are you feeling?" Olivia inquired, a little worried for her almost-more-than-a-friend.

"Shittay," Alex drawled out the last syllable, offering a low, throaty chuckle directly afterwards.

Olivia sympathsized, brushing some wandering strands of blonde hair out of her companion's beautiful face. "It'll get better, I promise. I'll help you get through it," Olivia replied, knowing that Alex meant her crappy feeling ran deeper than the outcome of that particular day.

Alex gave Olivia a look of pure adoration and admiration, clutching onto Olivia's slender waist, and replaced the position of their hands with Alex's head.

"What triggered the thoughts of your brother?" Olivia asked softly.

Alex smiled into Olivia's tummy, loving the vibrations of Olivia's voice reverberating through her toned, yet oh-so-soft, body.

The question slowly dawned on Alex's mind, the heaviness spread from her head to her occupied limbs. "I was watching you sleep," Alex blushed at her admission, "and you began to twirl your hair with your index finger. My little brother did that when he started to get tired, and my thoughts just gradually branched out to him."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause a trigger."

"It's not your fault, silly," Alex murmured directly against Olivia's stomach. Nuzzling her head against Olivia's stomach, Alex released a soft contented sigh. Olivia looked down at the resting blonde on her torso, and her eyes softened, and she smiled at Alex with a look of love in her brown eyes.

The vulnerability Alex had shown just minutes before seemed to have entirely vanished. Her façade now crumbling and she couldn't have cared less. She trusted Olivia with her life, and her heart.

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Review please. This was bit of an emotional chapter, so it might've seemed trivial but it will make a difference in later chapters. I've installed another chapter, chapter 5 is the crime scene. 


	5. The Crime Scene

**Chapter 5: The Crime Scene**

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_**The headlines read these are the worst of times. . .**_

_**I do believe it's true. . .**_

_Two male officers were put on duty to check the park every night; they had the graveyard shift. They happened upon the crime scene; blood splattered against the leaves surrounding the victim. The poor unkempt woman, carelessly sprawled out on the dirty bloody leaves, laid there rigidly, waiting for someone to find her. Unfortunately, she was pronounced dead on the scene. Obviously._

_She had lost too much blood from the forty-four stab wounds to the stomach, chest, and thighs. Tiny cuts were discovered on her unclothed body, running from her legs to her neck. He didn't touch her face, purposely freezing her petrified expression for all to see. He left her lying on her stomach, her head twisted to the side; her eyes open, making her look as though she was watching your every move._

_He had cut an emblem carved deeply into the woman's lower back; an upside down cross, representing evil's work, trying to play advocate to dark forces beyond his control. By doing so, he intentionally sent her a message, telling her that she was murdered because she was a lesbian._

_The woman's alabaster skin had been even more pallid, if that was even possible. Her gaunt body was now a ghostly, pastey white. The usually warm skin now rubbery and stiff. There were no signs of sexual assualt, but that wasn't in his M.O., although stabbing and such weren't either. His M.O. was manually strangling young, pretty, vulnerable women and leaving them in a park to be discovered by unsuspecting patrons. His targets, later discovered by the detectives, were lesbians. The young woman, later found, was almost eight weeks pregnant, hence why SVU was called in to carry this investigation further._

_Her rigid body, due to Rigor Mortis setting in, had made any bruises or marks permanent. Officer Dominic Dane had made a stupid, foolish mistake most perps often make, even though he should've known better considering; he had left a thumb print on the victim's wrist. It was a perfect ten-point match. The thumb print, made on the then-warm flesh, now visible and persistant. Rigor had set in, causing her body to freeze up, leaving the cuts, wounds, and marks__—unnatural blemishes_—_unable to heal._

_He also didn't cut the young woman's fingernails after he murdered her because the highly skilled Medical Examiner found Dane's DNA under them from where she had frantically scratched his neck in self defense. Other than the skin fragments under her fingers, she didn't have any other defensive wounds appear to the naked eye._

_The M.E. found a fiber of his coat lodge in the vic's trachea. He had taken his coat and asphyxiated her with it, covering her mouth and nose, suffocating the poor woman to death while he stabbed the life out of her. The fate of this woman was unfortunate; it made you think about the What Ifs. What if it was me? What if it was my daughter? Mother? Sister? Aunt? The possibility made your contemplations turn melancholy all-too quickly. _

_He was immediately apprehended by the police. He was read his Miranda Rights as soon as he was arrested and handcuffed. He excercised his constitutional rights by requesting a lawyer afforded by the state of New York. The judge ordered him to be reprimanded, not allowing his bail to be posted._

_It turned out that the coat was inadmissable in court because it was circumstantial evidence; because it was part of the NYPD's uniform issued to over two hundred other police officers that served in the same local area._

_The ten-point latent thumb print and the knife he had used to stab and carve the poor woman, which had been found buried beneath his pried up wooden floorboards in his house, were allowed to be presented to the jury at his trial to help the prosecution make their case. They had gotten a search warrant to search his office, residence, and car for any tangible evidence that would link the defendent, Dominic Dane, to the crimes he alledgedly committed, later proven to be true._

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Review please. The reason this was written in italics because it happened before, like not in the present. 


	6. Surprises Galore

**Chapter 6: Surprises Galore**

_**Lying beside you, here in the dark**_

_She looks so serene and beautiful, _Olivia internally mused, _I'm so lucky to be in her life._

Alex stirred awake, feeling someone stare at her. She felt her skin burn at the intense scrutiny. She looked up and saw Olivia through her sleep-laden vision.

_**Feeling your heart beat with mine**_

"I love you," Alex murmured, running her hand through Olivia's sleep-touseled hair.

Surprised at Alex's first love admission, Olivia replied truthfully, "I think it's safe to say that I love you too, Alexandra Cabot."

_**Softly you whisper, you're so sincere**_

Seeing Alex's grin of happiness, Olivia bent down and kissed Alex's cheek, letting her lips linger there for a bit longer than necessary.

Olivia smiled down at Alex, "Sweetie. I'm going to get ready for the meeting; Captain said to be in the precinct by eight A.M. Sharp."

Alex turned around so that she was facing Olivia and not on her back. Laying her head on her girlfriend's ample, tank top-clad chest, she mumbled, "Do you really have to leave?" Alex pouted, idly stroking Olivia's preoccupied arms that were encircling her body.

Olivia offered Alex a husky, throaty chuckle, "Yeah, Babe. It's for the case we're working on. I'm sorry, but this meeting is mandatory."

Alex audibly groaned and reached up to caress her girlfriend's olive coloured complexted cheek; a carefully orchastrated touch, casual but intimate all at the same time. "Come back home soon," she pleaded with her leaving beau.

"Just go back to sleep, and I'll be back before you know it," Olivia said, easing out of her drowsy girlfriend's arms and replacing her previous spot with a pillow, which Alex automatically clutched in her warm arms.

As Alex watched Olivia's retreating back, she smirked at her soon-to-be lover's confident and sexy gait. Olivia walked through the threshold a few minutes later, shrugging on her leather jacket. The leather-clad babe leaned down and pressed a soundly kiss to Alex's cheek. "Get some rest, Allie," she called over her shoulder as she shut the bedroom door.

"Mmm," Alex inhaled the scent of the pillow she was snuggling against. _It smells just like Olivia, _the lawyer gushed with a grin, burying her face further into the comforting linen.

Two hours later Olivia strolled up to the hotel room, unlocked the door and quickly stepped in.

Cocking an ear in the air, Olivia heard a muffled cry coming from what it sounded like the bathroom.

Quickly striding to the room, she tried to open the door, but she found it locked. Tentatively, she knocked, "Al, baby? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Alex's hoarse voice replied, but Alex unlocked the door despite her emotional pride.

Upon Olivia's first glimpse of Alex, she could tell something was upsetting her deeply.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Olivia asked as she bit down the nagging feeling that something was to go horribly wrong.

Alex shook her head, practically falling into Olivia's open arms.

"You can tell me. I can help if I know the problem," Olivia pleaded, her eyes searching Alex's face for subtle clues or signs. All Alex's face had revealed was helplessness and need. Clearly she required a best friend to listen to her problems rather than a girlfriend to "sweep it under the rug", so to speak, even if it was to shield her from anything that might hurt her.

Alex blinked her red-rimmed eyes, "My mother called me about an hour ago."

"Well, isn't that great news?" Olivia knitted her eyebrows in pure confusion.

"Not when she called to tell me that my uncle Bill died," Alex down-casted her misting eyes, inadvertently laying her head on Olivia's chest. Olivia encircled Alex's waist with her arms, supporting the blonde's stance.

"I'm sorry honey. I know how much he meant to you," Olivia whispered against Alex's head.

"That's not all I'm crying about, Liv." Olivia felt the vibrations of Alex talking against her chest.

"What else is it, honey?" Olivia asked softly.

Alex recoiled slowly from Olivia's embrace and returned to the bathroom to get something. As she held it up for Olivia to see, she felt shame burn her tear-tracked cheeks. Alex watched as Olivia's face displayed multiple expressions, finally landing on horror and hurt.

"No, no, no, no, no, no...," Olivia repeated in disbelief, shaking her head. Olivia backed away from the doorway. And from Alex.

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Oooh, cliffhanger! I'm evil! But I'm nice because I'm halfway done with chapter 7 :D _**Guess what Alex just revealed to Olivia**__**—guess in your review!**_


	7. Explanation

**Chapter 7: Explanation**

The look on Olivia's animated face was enough to make Alex burst out in tears. "Honey, it was before we even got together. Before you, I was so lonely, and that emptiness kept gnawing me from the inside out. I had to stop it somehow, and there was this insurance salesman with the same problem, whom I had met at a bar," Alex explained to a still shocked Olivia.

"How come you waited until we're official to tell me that you are...," Olivia stopped, unable to say the word that Alex so desperately needed to hear.

"I... I just took the test when you left, as a safety precaution. We used protection and everything, but you never know what could happen. I promise you that I didn't know the outcome," Alex swore honestly, taking a huge step to where Olivia was currently standing.

Olivia closed her eyes and expelled a shaky breath. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I can't force you to be a part of this and there's no way I'm going to try," Alex admitted in a breathy whisper. "You mean too much to me," Alex said as she tentatively walked over to Olivia.

Olivia allowed Alex to gather her into her arms, in her loving embrace.

Olivia's eyes softened and her demeanor abruptly changed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—"

Alex cut her off, "You had the right to act the way you did. I should be the one to apologize."

Olivia's lips curved into a bittersweet smile, "You know what this means now, don't you?"

"Hmm... What's that?" Alex questioned, thankful for the tension being lifted from the hotel room.

"After the baby, I'm going to have to cut back on my Over Time," Olivia answered, laying her forehead on the other woman's shoulder.

"So, you're planning to stay with me?" Alex inquired softly, barely whispering her question.

Olivia nodded against Alex's shoulder. "You should know that I think," Olivia grasped Alex's hips, gently swaying her side-to-side, "you'll be absolutely beautiful pregnant." She buried her face into Alex's neck, grinning into the soft, fragrant skin.

"Thanks, but how beautiful will I look when I'm bitching at you to go fix or get me something weird and gross to eat?"

Olivia chuckled heartedly, "That's what I'm here for _now_."

"Hey! I do not bitch at you!" Alex giggled, looking down at her girlfriend in feigned anger.

"Whatever you say, Allie. Whatever you say."

* * *

She could feel Elliot's penetrating stare bore into her eyes. Her brown orbs burned with a great pain, her cheeks a red hot coloring from the intense scrutiny. His stare was effectively deflected as she averted her gaze. "What do you want El?" _How come I never had a problem looking Elliot in the eyes, but now I do?, _Olivia thought internally. 

"I came to tell you that we caught the perp yesterday. He fell right into our trap," Elliot smiled slightly.

"What trap? Alex and I were supposed to be involved...," Olivia looked at him questioningly.

"Oh, but you were. You two stayed at the hotel, his hunting grounds. We caught Dane trying to get information on you two from the new desk clerk. Without protests, or anything like that, Dane admitted to killing that woman. Suffice to say, you were a vital part in the investigation, without knowing it. Southerlyn is prosecuting him––Dominic Dane was charged with 1 count of a Hate Crime and 1 count of 2nd Degree of Murder––, which gives you and Alex a break; you two have fun." And with that, Elliot winked and left the hotel room, leaving behind a speechless Detective.

"What did Elliot want?" Alex said as she emerged from the bathroom; she had stayed there to give them their peace for the case.

"Oh, nothing. Except he wanted to let us know that they already caught Dominic Dane, in the act. So, we were promised vacations by our respective bosses. What to do? Where to go?" Olivia pondered, pointedly looking at Alex.

Alex smiled, "My family owns a remote cabin, if you'd want to go."

"Oh, really? I wasn't trying to make you feel obligated to invite me... I was just wondering what I, or we, could do."

"'S'ok. So, when do you want to go?" Alex asked.

"Well, today's our last day here, so how about we go home to pack our things and get ready?"

"Okay, that sounds great," said a grinning Alex.

* * *

Olivia looped her arm through Alex's as the glowing blonde led them up the walkway to their private cabin. 

"I'm glad we stopped for food at the store," Alex groaned when her stomach rumbled a bit loudly.

Olivia laughed lightly, rubbing her companion's tummy, "I'll make you something to eat, babe."

"Ooh, already cooking for me!" Alex squealed in half excitement, half expectance of what was to come.

"Actually, now you're eating for two," Olivia smiled, "so I'm really cooking for three, counting me."

"This is true."

Alex fished the cabin's key out of her jeans pocket and unlocked the door. She stepped in and switched on the lights, holding the door open for Olivia, who walked in after her.

"I'm going to go get our bags," Olivia dismissed herself, stepping out into the icy winds once again.

Alex nodded and went to the bathroom. By the time Alex had finished, Olivia already had both of their luggage in the cabin and was just stepping out to grab the bags of groceries.

Alex drug the two suitcases into the master bedroom waited for Olivia to bring the groceries up to the cabin. When Olivia had reached the front door, about a 30 second walk from the car, Alex had relieved Olivia of a couple of bags, carrying them to the kitchen.

Olivia shut the front door and followed Alex in to the kitchen area, smiling at the subtle bounce in Alex's step. They worked together putting away the food items, and were done in no time flat.

Olivia shrugged her jacket off, helping Alex with hers afterwards. As she hung them in the hall closet, Alex went to retrieve the ingredients needed to make dinner tonight. She had her back to the entry way, facing the opened refrigerator.

Olivia smiled at Alex's indecisiveness as she snuck up behind the humming blonde. She wrapped her strong arms around the small frame and encircled her body, rubbing the littler woman's tummy all in one swift motion. As Alex giggled, Olivia inhaled the soft, sweet scent of Alex's golden-yellow tresses.

"Forget dinner for now. Come to bed with me," Olivia breathed her request gently in Alex's ear.

"Oh.. okay, it's too soon for dinner anyways," Alex stumbled over her words, blushing at the fact that she couldn't keep the M rated thoughts out of her head, and Olivia knew that. Olivia knew what she was thinking, and she felt vulnerable and exposed. But she trusted Olivia with her heart, her life, and her—their—baby.

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**_So, how was it? Sorry about the little cliffhanger, but you can wait, can't you? I'm not completely comfortable with those scenes just yet, especially after... ahem a conversation I had not too long ago (you know what I'm talking about FIB lol--on Sunday--. That girl was a Crazy Freak...:/ not in a good way either lol Gosh, she was way too... slutty-ish)_**


	8. Accidents and Fears

Dedicated to my wifey ;) Love you sweetie! Hope you like this chapter lol. The first song is Open Arms by Journey, and the second (bolded but not italized) is dedicated to my wifey also; the last song belongs to Alicia Keys called No One.

* * *

**Chapter title 8: Accidents and Fears**

The room was beautifully decorated with a not-so-subtle splash of Gothic flavour. The walls were painted a deep blush burgandy, like the colour of red wine, and the ceiling bore a grand chandelier complete with the authentic wrought iron finish.

They stepped into the room and turned the light on. Alex collected some self-extinguishing candles from the closet and lit them, placing them on the dresser, shelves, and desk which were not so far away from the huge bed, stopping to switch the light off.

The two women undressed each other slowly, giving the other one appreciative glances. "I want you to hold me," Alex whispered, her voice raw with emotion.

Sitting on the bed, Olivia drew Alex close and pulled her onto her lap, encircling her waist with her arms. She kissed Alex's slender neck, enjoying the feel of her love's throbbing pulse point under her hot mouth. Olivia scooted backwards to lean against the headboard, Alex still in her lap. Olivia guided Alex down so that she was slightly slouching between Olivia's legs with her back still against Olivia's stomach.

Olivia gently threw her arms around Alex's neck, trailing the tips of her fingers down Alex's front. She stopped at her chest to massage Alex's reacting flesh. Alex threw her head back as best as she could, closing her now-foggy eyes, the muffled sound "Mmmm..." escaping her beautiful lips.

With Alex's head laying on her shoulder, Olivia leaned back just a little bit more to make it more comfortable for her moaning companion.

Olivia spread her legs further apart, giving Alex ample room to maneuver comfortably. Alex slouched further down, crossing her legs over Olivia's.

"I've been waiting for this for a long time," Alex purred, lifting her head up to kiss the underside of Olivia's chin.

"Depuis quand m'attendez-vous?"_(How long have you been waiting for me?)_ Olivia breathed in perfect French, her breath tickling Alex's ear.

"Since I first met you," Alex answered back, lifting her hips up, desperately trying to make much needed contact with the hand traveling down her torso.

"You speak French?" Olivia inquired softly, surprised at Alex's knowledge of the language of romance.

"Vous avez devine juste. Que dites-vous de cela?"_(That's right. What do you think of that?) _Alex answered without missing a beat.

Olivia continued her downward teasing movements, loving the feel of Alex's soft but firm skin under her fingertips.

"Je ferai l'impossible pour vous."_(I'll do anything for you.)_. Just. Make. Me. Come. Dans le plus bref delai_(As soon as possible.)_." Alex gritted through her teeth, trying to restrain from grabbing Olivia's hand and helping her "find" where she needs her touch the most.

Olivia sensed Alex's frustrations and finally stopped at her center. She felt the heat from Alex emanting onto her hand. She teased Alex's opening with a fingertip, loving the feel of Alex squirming against her trying to make more contact.

Slowly, she easily slid a finger into her companion's warmth, coating her finger in Alex's juices.

* * *

_**Lying beside you, here in the dark  
**__**Feeling your heart beat with mine  
**__**Softly you whisper, you're so sincere**_

_I love her so much, _Alex thought to herself. With a content sigh, the blonde tried to call to mind the last time she felt this way. _Never have I been this happy in the 31 years of my short life._

Olivia shifted slightly in bed, still asleep, throwing her arm back on Alex's waist, tucking it underneath her companion's naked form. Alex giggled softly at the tickling sensations Olivia's fingertips were causing and turned to face the sleeping brunette. Alex placed a single kiss to Olivia's warm, exposed neck and snuggled deeper into their sleepy embrace. "Love you," Alex whispered sincerely, going back to the much-needed sleep.

_**So now I come to you, with open arms  
**__**Nothing to hide, believe what I say  
**__**So here I am with open arms  
**__**Hoping you'll see what your love means to me. . .  
**__**Open arms**_

"I love you, sweetie," Olivia murmured two hours later when she awoke, her voice still laden with sleep. She dropped a kiss to Alex's sleep-warmed forehead and she retreated from their tangled arms and legs. Olivia got on her knees to sit up in bed and she bent her head down to kiss Alex's exposed tummy, whispering, "I love you Mini."

"Mini?" Alex whispered, startling Olivia. Olivia threw her head up to look into Alex's drowsy blue eyes.

"You heard that?" Olivia blushed, sitting down on the bed.

"Mmm, yeah," Alex reached up and gently tangled her fingers in Olivia's short hair, bringing her down for a kiss.

Olivia sat up against the headboard of the bed when the kissed ended and chuckled at herself. Alex rolled over on her side and laid her head on Olivia's stomach and giggled against the warm skin under her cheek.

Strange sensations ran up and down Olivia's spine from the tickles Alex caused. "Why Mini?"

"I dunno. I just said it without thinking," Olivia smiled down at the nuzzling blonde. _This is __déjà vu, I swear. I've seen this in a dream before…_

"How about we come up with a boy and girl name?" Alex mumbled, bringing her hand up to play with Olivia's belly-button.

"Okay, but I think you should pick," Olivia hummed.

"No, we're going to be raising it together, we'll choose the name together. How about Casey for a girl's name?" Alex asked noncomittingly.

Olivia shrugged, "Nah. It's too… banal. How about… Aidan for a boy and Tegan for a girl?"

"Why don't we talk about this later, like when I'm fully awake," Alex murmured tiredly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Okay. Hey, I'm going to get in the shower. Do you need anything while I'm up?" Olivia asked, standing up and throwing on a tee-shirt and some panties.

"No, I'm good." Alex stared at Olivia's retreating half naked form, licking her lips and smiling into the pillow.

Just as Alex was falling asleep, she heard Olivia yelp loudly. "Honey, what's wrong?" Alex called out.

"I cut myself with a butcher knife," Olivia eeked out as she stepped into the bedroom again, her eyes big with surprise.

The blood wept from the wound and the red crawled across her palm and down her fingers. The deep scarlet liquid dripped from her fingertips; the fleeting sensation of tingling continued and her hand throbbed.

"Oh baby," Alex breathed, standing up and wrapping Olivia's hand in a towel that Olivia had clutched in her uninjured hand. "How'd you do that in the bathroom?" Alex asked curiously as she held the towel to Olivia's semi-deep wound. As soon as the towel touched Olivia's hand, it stuck to the cut tenaciously, causing Olivia to flinch.

"I wanted to do something special for you, so I decided to make you breakfast in bed and I got distracted for a moment, and voilà, I cut myself." Olivia whimpered as Alex pulled the sticky, bloody terry-cotton away to assess the damage.

There was assiduous bleeding but other than that, nothing seemed to be of paramount injury. "Honey you'll be fine. It's just a little cut," Alex tried to persuade Olivia but to no avail. Olivia felt weak, her stomach did flip-flops at the sight of so much blood coming out of such a tiny cut. Alex led Olivia to the end of the bed as she quickly threw on a tee-shirt and panties. Running through the threshold, she called over her shoulder, "Don't move, I'll be right back!"

Olivia sat there and tried not to throw up; the sight of blood was sickening to her. She was afraid of the red liquid, and no one knew. Well, except for Alex figuring out just now. Olivia put her uninjured hand to her stomach, trying to settle her queasy tummy.

_Hurry Alex, hurry, _Olivia thought as she stared at her weeping cut in horror.

* * *

So, how was it? Too graphic? Not enough graphic? Lol. It seems that a Detective wouldn't be afraid of blood? I bet you're thinking that, but... She is afraid of it in my story. Hope that satisfied you and I'm sorry about not updating sooner; I've been very busy with school and sorting my emotions lol. 

**I just want you close  
Where you can stay forever  
You can be sure  
That it will only get better **

You and me together  
Through the days and nights  
I don't worry 'cause  
Everything's going to be alright  
People keep talking they can say what they like  
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling  
No one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you  
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down  
And my heart is hurting  
You will always be around  
This I know for certain

You and me together  
Through the days and nights  
I don't worry 'cause  
Everything's going to be alright  
People keep talking they can say what they like  
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling  
No one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you  
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world  
To find something like what we have  
I know people will try try to divide something so real  
So till the end of time I'm telling you there ain't no one

No one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling  
No one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you  
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh  



	9. Find a Way to Relate

**Chapter 9: Find a Way to Relate**

_"Warner."_ The raspy voice came after only two rings. It was around 10:00 pm when Alex picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number, hoping that the medical examiner would pick up.

"Mel? It's Alex. Um, I have to ask you something," Alex said as she peered into the bedroom to check on her lover.

_"Alex, stop rambling and ask me your question," _Melinda answered rather crossly.

"Olivia cut herself with a butcher knife, and it's really not that deep to go to the emergency room. How do I go about this when she's hemophobic?" Alex asked all in one breath.

_"She's a Detective afraid of blood? Hmm. All you have to do is make her feel comfortable; lay her down on a bed or couch and talk to her while you're taking care of it. Treat her like you're giving her a shot and she's afraid of needles; just make her talk about something other than what you'll be doing. If she passes out, she won't fall because she's already laying down. If she passes out, just call me back and I'll walk you through it."_

"Thanks Mel! I appreciate it. I've got to go take care of this before she gets sick. Bye," and with that, Alex hung up the phone, leaving Melinda to shake her head in amusement.

Alex rushed to the cabin's bathroom and removed a clean towel from the cabinet, running it through warm water from the sink. Rinsing the towel of any excess water, Alex grabbed a thick bundle of gauze and some anti-bacterial cream. Returning to the master bedroom, Alex found Olivia sitting on the edge of the bed, her big brown doe eyes brimming with tears. "Cette situation est genante._(This situation is embarrassing)_."

"Sweetie, it'll be fine, I promise. Lay back, baby, and close your eyes." Alex gently pushed Olivia back on the bed with a hand to her shoulder. Olivia laid back without protest and closed her eyes tightly. Only when Alex stroked her cheek did she soften her wincing. Alex unwrapped the gauze and laid it on the bed, grabbing the bloody towel from Olivia's tightly-gripped fist. "Olivia, tell me about your first pet," Alex murmured, wiping the errant strands of hair out of Olivia's face. As Olivia talked in a shaky, unsteady voice about her first and only dog, Jack, Alex let the terry-cotton fabric drop to the floor forgotten while she wiped the smeared blood from Olivia's delicate but strong hands. Olivia relaxed her hands, letting Alex clean her red-stained fingers. Alex wiped clean around the cut, making sure not to aggravate the cut any further. She, too, dropped the dirty towel to the ground in favor for the tube of anti-bacterial cream. She dabbed the cut with the cream and swathed Olivia's shaky hand tightly in the gauze as Olivia finished telling Alex the story of how Jack, the labradoodle, used to follow her home from school.

"He seemed like a great pet. Sweetheart, you can open your eyes now, I'm finished," Alex whispered, caressing Olivia's unusually pale cheek. Olivia opened one eye and peered down at her hand still held in Alex's.

Olivia squeezed Alex's hand and reached up with her uninjured hand to cup Alex's jaw, guiding Alex's face down towards her. Olivia captured Alex's lips with her own passionately a few times before whispering her thanks.

"It's no problem Olivia. No problem at all," Alex assured the brunette, "Come on, let's fix a pizza and watch some movies."

For the first time since she cut herself, Olivia smiled. It was a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless.

Olivia let go of Alex's hand and lifted herself to her feet, walking towards the closet to get some clothes from their luggage. Olivia pulled out some pajama pants adorned with Carebears and a pair of Alex's decorated with tiny sheep. Seeing the unfamiliar pajama pants in Olivia's hand, she giggled, "You wear Carebears?"

"Yep," Olivia chuckled, throwing Alex her set of clothes. The two women pulled on their pants and recovened in the kitchen. Olivia plopped down on the couch and channel surfed for a good movie as Alex threw a frozen pizza into the oven. An hour later, the two women sat on the couch with pizza and watched the movie sitting side-by-side. Olivia could see Alex's eyes getting droopy so she grabbed the nearest pillow and sat it in her lap, leaving the pizza forgotten. Olivia guided Alex's body to lay down, her head resting on the pillow in Olivia's lap. "Mettez-vous a l'aise. _(Make yourself comfortable)_."

Olivia threaded her fingers through Alex's long blonde hair, "What do you wanna talk about, sweetie?"

Alex yawned and turned on her side, her cheek resting against Olivia's tee-shirt clad tummy. "I dunno," Alex yawned again, this time snuggling deeper into Olivia's body. Olivia's body heat was comforting to her, making her feel drowsier and more sleepy.

"Since you found out my greatest fear, what's yours?" Olivia murmured, stroking her thumb across Alex's forehead.

"Heights. I have a severe case of acrophobia." Alex yawned yet again. "D'abord je n'avais pas compris; mais maintenant, j'y suis."(_At first, I didn't understand, but now I get it)._

"Enfin la verite se degage._(At last the truth is coming out)_," Olivia teased, scratching Alex's scalp lightly to let her know she was just playing.

"It's not the only thing coming out," Alex replied sleepily. Olivia waited for her to finish.

"I... I, uh, I'm ready to finally come out to my mother," Alex sighed, cuddling deeper into Olivia.

"Aww, baby, you're brave for doing that. It's a hard thing to do, believe me, but I'll be there to support you."

"Il va pleuvoir. _(It's going to rain)_," Alex mumbled before she fell into a deep slumber, curled up in Olivia's confortable lap.

* * *

How was it? Kind of fluffy-ish, but oh well. I wanted to show the vulnerable side to the stone-faced Olivia Benson, and the nurturing side of the ice princess Alex Cabot. 


	10. Trouble Staying Awake

**Chapter 10: Trouble Staying Awake**

_1 month later  
__Alex is 2 months pregnant__—not quite showing. But, so far, she has to put up with one of the signs of the pregnancy..._

_"Alexandra, dear, are you bringing your boyfriend over for dinner tomorrow? I want to meet the man that has made my __little Alexandra happy."_

"Mother...," Alex sighed, "yeah. We'll be there. Listen, I've got some work to do, can we talk later?"

_"You and your little hobby. Alexandra, you don't have to work; you've inherited a fortune from your father when he died."_

"I know I don't have to work. It's not a hobby, Mother. I help people put their attackers in jail. I help victims gain security in their lives. I help—"

_"Yes, Alexandra. Okay, just make sure you bring him," _Alex's mother interrupted her little rant and hung up the phone, leaving Alex alone on the line.

Olivia walked into the room just as Alex hung up the phone. "Who was that, sweetie?" Olivia acknowledge in curiousity.

"My mother," Alex sighed deeply.

"More bad news honey?" Olivia inquired softly, reaching out to pull Alex in a hug.

"Hah," Alex laughed dryly, "She wants to meet—and I quote— 'the man that has made my little Alexandra happy.' unquote. Did I mention we're having dinner over at her house tomorrow?"

"Aww, she's not relenting on 'your dream man'?" Olivia asked as Alex rested her chin on Olivia's shoulder.

"Unfortunately, no she hasn't."

"Does she know about our little bun in the oven?" Olivia questioned softly, stroking Alex's tummy between the two women. Alex snorted in sarcastic laughter, "She's going to be positively _elated _to know that I'm in a serious _lesbian _relationship with one of my detectives and I'm _pregnant_ from a _one-night stand_. Not to mention I'm _living_ with my_ partner_, who just so happens to have a precarious career."

"Well, it's your life, not hers. Live it like you wanna live it. You're over eighteen, she can't tell you what to do anymore," Olivia huffed, nuzzling her cheek against Alex's cheek playfully.

"Hmm, yeah," Alex hummed against Olivia's shoulder, stepping out of the embrace with a kiss to Olivia's lips. "I'm going to go lie down for a bit. I'm kind of tired."

"It's only four o'clock in the afternoon, honey," Olivia said, a little bit surprised until she remembered her girlfriend was pregnant. "Oh, feeling tired already?" Olivia asked, resting the back of her hand against Alex's warm forehead. Alex looked a little under the weather to Olivia, but she wasn't carrying a fever.

"Mmm, yeah," Alex said, giving her partner a fleeting, tired smile. Alex walked to their shared bedroom, shedding her suffocating clothes, leaving them in her wake.

Stripped down to her panties and bra, Alex slid into bed, finding comfort in the cold, satin sheets. She didn't even bother to cover up for she was too hot already.

Two hours later, Olivia walked into the bedroom having just finished making Alex dinner. The sight shocked her; Alex lay there with sweat dripping off of her skin, curled up in a fetal position and shaking like a leaf. Olivia scurried over to her distraught girlfriend in a panic. Lifting her up from the bed, Olivia carried Alex to their bathroom bridal style, watching so she didn't hit the blonde's head against any door frames accidentally.

Olivia laid Alex in the tub, propping her body up against her tan arm. Turning on the shower, she watched Alex's head loll back and forth slowly as she proceeded to wake up gradually from the sting of the cold water suddenly hitting her overly heated body. "Wha—" Alex mumbled incoherently.

"Al, baby, you're burning up," Olivia murmured, rubbing Alex's wet tummy gently.

Alex moaned and wrapped her wet arms around Olivia's neck, "I wanna go back to bed." Alex laid her head on Olivia's chest.

Olivia's cradled Alex's half-wet body to hers as she picked her girlfriend up out of the tub. "Are you hot or cold honey?"

"Mmm...cold," Alex answered sleepily, clinging to Olivia's neck.

"I made you dinner sweetie. How about we get you dressed, grab a blanket, our food, and go curl up on the bed and watch a movie?"

"Mmkay," Alex mumbled against Olivia's neck, tightening her hold. Olivia packed Alex into the bedroom and snatched up some dry clothes. Dressing her was like clothing a baby; she just laid there on the bed limply, practically falling asleep as Olivia did so.

"I'll be right back, baby," Olivia whispered against Alex's cheek.

Olivia returned with a plate of food and a movie. She sat the plate on the edge of the bed and popped the DVD into the player. She grabbed the plate and settled on her side of the Queen-sized bed. Alex crawled over and cuddled up to Olivia, laying her head on Olivia's stomach. Olivia smiled and threw the covers over their bodies. "Hey babe, are you hungry?" Olivia asked a nuzzling Alex.

"A little bit," Alex admitted, reaching out and snagging a piece of food from the plate. Olivia smiled and reached for the TV remote on the far corner of the bedside table, clicking the TV and DVD player on. Settling back against the fluffy pillows, Olivia drew Alex even closer. Olivia fed Alex while they watched the movie in a semi-conscious state.

Alex's eyes began to droop closed and her breathing evened out rather quickly after just finishing her dinner. Olivia smiled and stated to rub Alex's warm tummy underneath the covers.

"I love you Al," Olivia murmured, dropping a kiss to the sleeping blonde's forehead. Alex smiled into Olivia's tee-shirt and mumbled, "Love our Mini?"

"And our Mini," Olivia assured the unconscious blonde in her arms. Olivia took hold of one of Alex's hands and squeezed lightly, running her fingers down her palm. "Love you and Mini forever and always."

* * *

How was it? Review pwease? blue puppy dog eyes (They always work on my girlfriend! hehehe, love you wifey!) 


	11. Pick The Name

_author's note: _Mature scene below. Beware.

"Catherine Serena," Alex mumbled, stirring in her sleep, waking up wide-eyed.

_Catherine Serena? Hmm, that sounds beautiful, _Olivia smiled in thought.

"That's perfect!" Alex gasped, looking up at Olivia.

Olivia grinned and reached up to put a stray lock of blonde hair behind Alex's ear. "Yeah." Olivia said softly, locking eyes with the blonde nestled in her lap.

Olivia moved her hand from Alex's face to behind her neck, gently drawing her closer for a tender kiss, using that as a way to relay all her love to the younger woman.

When they broke apart for air, neither was willing to lose contact. Olivia kept her hand on Alex's neck, massaging it gently, resting her forehead against the other woman's. "I love you sweetie."

Tears gathered in Alex's eyes as she echoed those words back with sincere emotion, "I love you too, honey."

Olivia's eyes began to mist too, "Are you sure you're okay?" Alex knew what was being asked; last night's events begin to play out in her mind.

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know what was wrong." Alex sighed, feeling the warmth of Olivia's forehead heat her own cold skin.

Alex expelled another low breath and brushed her lips past Olivia's cheek in a little kiss. She laid her head on Olivia's shoulder and reached down and began to tenderly caress Olivia's thighs just below the hem of her boxers. Alex splayed her long fingers out against Olivia's warm tummy underneath her tank top. Gently tickling the smooth flesh under her fingertips, Alex lightly scratched the hot skin with her fingernails, only to hear the gasp coming from her girlfriend's lips.

"We shouldn't…," Olivia began, her eyes already clouding over as she intently watched Alex's slender hand scratch at her belly.

"Please," Alex begged, "I need to know that you're here for me."

"Haven't I been there for you, even before we were together?" Olivia whispered, her voice sounding a bit cold.

"That's not what I-"

"Meant." Olivia finished Alex's backpedaled sentence. "I know what you meant. You think I'm here for the baby and the baby only."

Alex gazed into brown eyes, watching as the emotion changed from aroused to bitter to sad. "No…possibly…maybe…yes," Alex ruefully admitted, her eyes closing in regret of her admission. Olivia reached up and caressed Alex's cheek with her thumb, causing Alex to open her eyes.

Olivia suddenly got lost in the artful designs embedded in Alex's eyes. Cobalt, indigo, perrywinkle, azure. Flecks of a baby blue seemed to streak across her coloured orbs. Olivia even saw a little bit of light green hinted in the delicate contriviance.

"Sorry."

Alex's apology made Olivia's eyes soften, "No, don't be. I think we're both a little insecure."

Alex's gaze immediately followed the long of Olivia's face; her thumb playing at the firmness of her jawline. Her thumb traced the sharp outline of Olivia's chin, her eyes never leaving the curve of beauiful lips, slightly pouty but soft and inviting. Alex drew her thumb over Olivia's bottom lip slowly, leaning up and moving within a breath's space before her.

Without a second thought, Olivia closed the empty space, slowly kissing Alex's top lip before resting her forehead against Alex's. Olivia cradled Alex's pale cheek in her hand and drew her closer, never relenting their physical contact. Olivia laid back against the headboard, the hardness of the object softened by a pillow.

Alex held herself up and moved to straddle Olivia's strong, muscled thighs. She settled against them, feeling the skin-on-skin contact she so desperately craved, even if it was just the back of her thighs.

"Baby… I need," Alex began, her voice husky and low.

"Ssh." Olivia reached up and laid a long finger against the lips moving, feeling the smooth plumpness of them meeting her finger. "Let me take care of you; I want to show you what you mean to me. Let me love you."

Olivia slid her fingers into the hem of Alex's boxers and drew them down her toned thighs, letting Alex take them off, dropping them to the floor. The only thing left on Alex was a tee shirt. Taking that off as well, Alex threw it down, her eyes never leaving Olivia's.

Olivia reached up and cupped Alex's breasts in her hands, weighing them. Their colour of skin was easily contrastable; Olivia's skin colour being swarthy and Alex's a pale porcelain. Alex rested her head against Olivia's shoulders, forcing more of her into Olivia's gentle hands, thankful for the stability of her lover keeping her upright. Alex turned her head and buried her face in the warmth of Olivia's neck, moaning her appreciation in words considered incoherent.

Olivia rubbed her thumbs over the swells of her lover's breasts and moaned huskily as Alex began to nip hungrily at her neck. Alex moved her nips and kisses up Olivia's neck to her jaw to, finally, her chin, gently biting the prominent feature. Olivia's mouth opened up under Alex's easily as Alex slipped her tongue past Olivia's lips.

Olivia groaned when she felt Alex's smooth velvet tongue fill her mouth, gently probing and massaging against her own.

They laid there in each others' arms, enjoying the moment of complete satisfacation. "You were inside of me," Alex said, her voice quivering and trembling as she struggled to stop from crying. Surprised, Olivia tightened her hold on the blonde, pulling her to lay on top of herself.

"Baby, are you alright?" Olivia asked, puzzled as to why Alex was crying.

"I'm fine. I feel just so… complete." Alex replied as she looked down at Olivia, the tears streaming down her cheeks finally drying, leaving tracks of wetness on the blonde's pale cheeks. Alex, looking into Olivia's brown eyes, saw concern glowing in them.

Alex pressed her lips to Olivia's, flicking her tongue over Olivia's bottom lip, asking for entrance. Olivia complied effortlessly, bringing a hand up to tangle through Alex's soft blonde locks, drawing her even closer.

* * *

"You all ready to go to your mother's, babe?" Olivia asked, gently tugging Alex by her hand, leading her to the front door.

Chuckling, Alex nodded and let Olivia lead her.

Parking in the drive-way, Olivia cut the engine and looked over at a nervous young Cabot.

Seeming to know exactly what Olivia was going to ask, Alex cut in, "I'm fine. Let's get this over with, though. The faster we're out of here, the quicker we can go home and take a nice, long bubble bath."

Olivia flashed her pregnant girlfriend a lopsided grin and stepped out of the car, holding Alex's door open for her.

Nervously, Alex grabbed Olivia's hand, clutching it tightly in hers. They walked up to the door hand-in-hand, rang the doorbell, and waited.

An old Cabot woman swung the door opened and took a look at her daughter first, and then at her daughter's 'friend' with a serious, worried look on her semi-wrinkled face. She definitely carried an air of old money.

"Alexandra, darling, who is this?" Ms. Cabot gestured to Olivia.

"Mother… This is my girlfriend, Olivia Benson"

At first the elder Cabot was speechless, then came the denial. "You're not… homosexual!" Sophia Cabot exclaimed, a hint of venom prominent in her hard voice.

"Mother. I. Am. Gay… And I'm pregnant. We're having a child. Together" Alex stated firmly, clutching tighter to Olivia's hand.

* * *

Okay. End of chapter 11, so how was it? This is definitely not the end. I just have to get some more ideas cooking in my head... I have a little favour to ask of you, my readers. Gimme some name suggestions for a boy? Just tell me your suggestion in the review, and tell whether you want the mini Benson-Cabot to be female or male. I know I have Catherine Serena as the girl's name, but I need a boy's name just incase. Please and thank you.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: The Confrontation**

Ms. Cabot shook her head violently and backed away, a look of pure shock written on her face. She looked disgusted; her mouth hanging open in complete and utter confusion. "A… A child? You're having a child with…" she gestured to Olivia "her?"

"Yes, Mother. I'm in love. We're in love." Alex smiled sweetly and squeezed Olivia's hand again, this time making sure her mother saw their joined hands.

Sophia Cabot gasped and narrowed her eyes at Olivia, "You did this! You converted my little Alexandra into a…"

"Lesbian?" Olivia finished for the distraught older woman. Elder Cabot winced at the word and frowned. "Your brother would be ashamed to call you his older sister."

"That was a low blow, even from you, mother," Alex growled. "Besides, he already knew! He saw one of my friends and I kissing one time!"

"If I may cut in," Olivia started. "As you can see, I didn't convert 'your little Alexandra'. It was the opposite; kind of."

"Shut your trap, you little slut…"

"Mother! _You_ will shut the hell up! You just called my life partner a slut! How dare you! You couldn't even pick a decent husband, you self-righteous _bitch_!" Alex growled with venom, defending her companion. Alex turned on her heel and started to lead Olivia to their car, stopping suddenly and turning around, inadvertently letting go of Olivia's hand. "You'll be lucky to get an invitation to our child's graduation in 18 years!" Alex placed her unoccupied hands on her stomach and turned, storming off to their car, leaving behind a flustered detective in her wake.

* * *

Olivia sighed as she shut the car door. She looked over towards the house and saw that Alex's mother had already slipped inside the house, the door being already closed. Olivia heard Alex whimper from deep in her throat and Olivia responded by turning her head and watching as Alex laid her forehead against the steering wheel in frustration. Olivia pulled Alex onto her lap, seeming to have no difficulties doing so in their cramped car. Alex leaned the back of her head against Olivia's shoulder and reached a hand behind her to cup the back of Olivia's neck. Olivia snaked her arms around Alex's torso, resting her hands on Alex's stomach underneath her tee, soothingly caressing Alex's pale skin with her thumbs.

Olivia placed a gentle kiss to Alex's neck, murmuring "I love you". Alex sniffled back her tears and softly smiled, nestling her head into the warm crook of Olivia's neck. "I love you, too."

_**Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can't make a rainbow without a little rain.**_

* * *

"Home sweet home," Olivia sighed deeply, unlocking their front door and stepping through the threshold after letting Alex through first.

Alex grumbled lowly under her breath and rushed past Olivia and into the kitchen, throwing the refrigerator door open. She grabbed a few ingredients out and threw them onto the counter top loudly.

Olivia frowned and stepped into the room and saw that Alex was trying to prepare their dinner. She hustled over to stand behind the blonde, gently turning her around to face her. Olivia leaned up against Alex, reaching behind her to shove all the food cluttering the counter away. The brunette resumed her position in front of the blonde, brushing Alex's neck with her lips in the process.

Alex smiled instantly and dropped her forehead to Olivia's shoulder. Olivia picked Alex up by the back of her thighs and settled her on the counter, leaning in as close to Alex as possible, smiling when Alex wrapped her legs around Olivia's waist, bringing her closer. Olivia rested her forehead on Alex's shoulder, resting her hands on the outsides of Alex's thighs.

"Alex, baby. I love you so fucking much. You know that, right?"

"Mmmhmm. Love you, too," Alex's muffled reply came as she spoke into Olivia's shoulder.

"Why don't we forget about making dinner and just go out and celebrate 'us' with some dinner and dancing?"

Alex smiled at Olivia's suggestion and lifted her head up from the brunette's shoulder, "Perfect."

Alex softly kissed Olivia before hopping down from the counter. Olivia suddenly got an idea; she whirled around and gently slapped Alex on the ass while the unsuspecting blonde was walking away. Alex huffed and turned around to face her laughing detective, glaring at her before bursting out in giggles.

* * *

sorry this was so short. I was just in the mood to write since I was so bored. Well, hope you enjoyed. Leave me feedback?


	13. Femme Actions

**Chapter 13: Femme Actions**

"Good morning love" Olivia whispered, her glittering brown eyes smiling down into Alex's bright baby blues.

Alex tiredly smiled, biting back a yawn. "Morning Sexy"

Olivia grinned, threading her fingers through Alex's, lightly tickling the blonde's soft palm with her thumb. Olivia kissed each of Alex's fingertips, dropping a soft kiss to the blonde's tiny, slender wrist. Alex softly giggled, her voice still foggy from sleep.

Olivia kissed a tender trail to Alex's heart. She then pressed her lips to the skin above Alex's beating heart. "Love" Olivia whispered simply, her eyes fluttering closed as she nuzzled her nose softly against the smooth skin.

Alex smiled down at Olivia and slid her hand into Olivia's hair, gently holding her head to her. "Adorable"

Olivia giggled softly. She didn't believe in Alex's description of her, but blushed nonetheless.

Olivia gently buried her face into Alex's ample chest, nuzzling affectionately. She felt safe here; here in Alex's arms, in her presence, all the chaos and heinous events were pushed out of her self-conflicting mind. All the evils of the world dissolved instantly; as soon as those warm loving arms held onto her; Alex felt like home. _I could stay here forever in my love's arms_, Olivia echoed back and forth in her mind.

Olivia moved her head. She watched the younger woman's tummy rise and fall rhythmically after she released a couple of deep, slow breaths. The tanned brunette splayed her hand out on Alex's gradually growing stomach, feeling the soft, gentle breaths lift her hand subtly.

Olivia smiled.

There was a baby growing inside Alex.

Her Alex.

Their baby.

Alex smiled down at Olivia, drawing her girlfriend up to her lips, softly capturing the brunette's smile in a tender kiss.

Alex laid her delicate, slender hand on top of Olivia's, her thumb softly stroking the side of Olivia's smooth hand in a soothing gesture.

"I love you so much, Olivia." Alex gently brushed her thumb over the brunette's forehead.

"I love you so very much baby," Olivia murmured, sighing lazily.

Olivia got up from the bed and went into the kitchen to make the _three_ of them breakfast.

* * *

So very sorry that this is extremely short. Just think of it as a filler chapter until I can get un-frazzled with all of this medical and school stuff being thrown my way atm. Please keep reading lol.


	14. Doctor's Appointment

"Hey, Alex," Olivia called out, stepping out into the bathroom. Her deep, caring eyes focused on the blonde, who stood at the bathroom sink doing her hair. "Mm?" Alex murmured, only half concentrated on her brunette lover. Liv sighed, leaning against the door frame. "You're scheduled for a doctor's appointment later this afternoon." Alex's metal brush dropped into the porcelain, shiny sink with a loud thunk!, causing Olivia to jump, slightly startled.

Alex turned around, her normally calm blue eyes now piercing and fiery. "Olivia, dear, you know how I feel about doctors."

Liv tensed up, ready for battle. "I know Alex, but you need checked out. I'm worried about you," Olivia whispered, pushing herself away from the wooden door frame and closer to Alex, "I'm worried about our baby."

Alex's temper, at first, was unrelenting, but as Liv spoke her countenance softened and her lips quirked slowly into a bittersweet smile. "I know, Liv. I'm worried, too."

Liv sat in the lonely wooden chair that sat up against the bathroom wall beside the door and gently pulled Alex to sit across her lap. She whispered softly as she stroked the slight bulge pushing against the blonde's tee shirt, "What's wrong, little one."

***

Liv came out of the bedroom and threw a goofy grin at the blonde who looked in her direction. The brunette was wearing a Scene headband that was decorated with little sunny rainbows against an opaque, gray background color. Alex grinned as she ran her fingers through the spiky hair sticking out from the side of the headband. "You look so gorgeous when acting like a total dork," Alex said, running a hand through her own golden locks. Liv shot her a mischievous grin and pulled another headband out of her back belt loops.

This one was a pretty clear blue adorned with cartoonish little, white fluffy smiling clouds all over it. "It's the color of your eyes," Liv smiled, placing the band across Alex's head. Alex laughed and shook her head in amusement. "We're totally Scene-ing!" Olivia drawled out, striking a sexy but cute pose for the laughing blonde."You always know how to make me smile," Alex pressed closer into her companion, nuzzling her nose against Liv's tan neck."I'm just great like that." Liv said playfully, drumming her fingers gently against Alex's middle back. The blonde in Liv's arms giggled as she was ticklish there and squirmed out of the embrace. "You know I'm ticklish there," Alex whined, rubbing her back to get rid of the sensation. Liv winked and placed a kiss to Alex's reddened forehead in response.

'Liv, you always know how to cheer a girl up.'

***

Liv glanced at the clock and sighed, reaching for the doorknob to the room that held Alex captive. Nervously, she turned the cold metal, opening the door to reveal Alex reading in bed. "C'mon honey, time for you-know-what."

Alex cut Liv a sharp look and placed the bookmark in her book before throwing it back on the bed as she reached for her jacket sitting on the window seat. Liv took pity on her and pulled out a CD jewel case from her jacket pocket. "It's your favorite soundtrack baby, I thought it would calm you down." Liv accompanied Alex to their car sitting in the parking lot and helped her in. "I'm not going to break, Olivia, I can get into a car by myself still." Alex spoke in a unnecessarily harsh tone. "I know, I was just trying to be sweet…" Olivia was cut off mid-sentence as Alex shut the car door.

'I guess she's mad at me', Olivia thought, getting into the car and popping the Hairspray musical soundtrack into the CD player for Alex.

After thinking her attitude through, the blonde placed her hand on Liv's arm and rubbed circles on her soft, tan skin with her thumb. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be like that with you. It's only a doctor's appointment…"

Liv glanced at her arm then at Alex and smiled softly, "I know. I don't think you're afraid of the actual appointment, but of what we may find out. Is that it, Alex?"Her response was a soft sigh and a short nod of the head."It's okay. I'm here with you every step of the way, it's okay," Olivia repeated her words in a soft, loving voice. Liv reached over and cupped Alex's beautifully chiseled face in her soft hand and stroked the blonde's cheek, her eyes concentrating on the road.

***

The wait in the doctor's office seemed interminable. Alex slowly paced the small, closed-in, blinding white room. "What if it's serious?"Olivia blinked slowly, thinking of an answer that wouldn't freak Alex out. "It may not be. We just have to wait." 'Please stop pacing…,' Liv inwardly groaned, It makes me nervous.' Seeming to read her partner's mind, Alex immediately stopped her worried gait, instead choosing to sit on the noisy paper-covered table. Alex threw Liv a look that said 'when is the doctor gonna get here' and fiddled with her shaking hands lying in her lap. Liv stretched her leg out to nudge the blonde's foot with hers, affectively getting her attention, "It's okay, Al. He'll be here soon."

Just as the detective finished her sentence, there was a slight rap of knuckles against the door. A second later, a middle aged man with a fluff of neatly groomed gray hair peeped his head in, "Miss Cabot?"Alex looked up, a sudden flash of something unrecognizable crossed her eyes. "Yes?"

The man finished walking into the room and shut the door, muffling the cries of a small child receiving a shot from one of the nurses. Alex flinched as she heard the cries pierce her sensitive ears. She turned her head to Liv, whispering, "Is that kid gonna be okay?"Olivia knew that Alex tended to be overly cautious and worried. She smiled gently and nodded her head, reaching out to grab the blonde's still shaking hand.

"Okay, Miss Cabot. I'm Doctor Quinton. Now, you're pregnant, as you already are well aware of. What is your symptoms? In other words, what's been happening that's out of the ordinary?" He delicately unfolded a worn pair of glasses and set them neatly on his face, looking over Alex's medical charts as he listened to her answer."I have bouts of weakness and exhaustion, I'm always thirsty, I get those annoying deep throbbing headaches," Alex began. "I also am experiencing the shakes, fever, and cold sweat spells."

"Don't forget irritability," Olivia cut in, flashing Alex an 'I'm just kidding…don't hit me' look.

The doctor took note of everything the couple said, nodding as he scribbled it down on the paper. "I have an idea of what's happening. I'll need a blood sample to verify if that's it, though. Would you mind having the sample taken today?"Alex shook her head and waited almost impatiently for his continuance.

"Hmm…I'll get my nurse on it now, she has an opening in the chair. She'll be right in." With that, the doctor left the room to search for the nurse. True to his word, the nurse entered the room within two minutes of his departure. "Ready, Miss Cabot?""Yeah, I'm ready…," Alex squinted to read the nurses' name tag, "Ms. Baxter." Ms. Baxter set up the equipment expertly in a minute as Alex rolled up her sweater sleeve. "What color of 'tape' would you like?" the nurse smiled at the blonde, holding out several rolls of brightly colored tape.

Olivia chuckled, letting her fingers run through Alex's thick hair.

Smiling, Alex pointed to the turquoise color; it was the color of her own eyes. "Nice choice," the friendly older nurse commented, setting the tape aside for near-future use. The nurse tied the thick rubber band-like string around Alex's upper arm. "Okay, this'll sting a little, honey."

Alex watched as the nurse found a vein easily, stuck the long needle in, and began to draw her blood. She watched as her deep dark red blood trickled quickly into the tube. By this time, Olivia had grabbed a magazine to "read" as she hid her face from her partner's blood.

Alex, too mesmerized by her own blood swirling frantically around in the tube, didn't bother to check on her girlfriend who was squeamish around the red matter. Alex could smell the distinct, rusty smell of the crimson liquid being sucked out of her. She felt a tingle in her nose and silently swore to herself. 'I'm not getting into that again…'

The blonde squirmed uneasily on the 'bed' as she felt a conflagration burning in her chest. 'I can fight this again, I know I can.'

Luckily, no one had noticed the pained expression on Alex's face as she internally fought herself. If they had noticed, there was sure to be tons of questions thrown her way. Everyone always expected an answer from her; sometimes she just didn't have one to give them that justified her immature past.

The nurse carefully pulled out the needle after she was through with collecting the sample and cleaned the hole left by the sharp tool, quickly tying Alex's arm up with the light neon blue tape. "You're finished, hon," the nurse said aloud, more for Olivia's sake than Alex's.

Liv set down the magazine on the table beside the visitor's chair and slowly got up, stretching the kinks from her lower back.

As the couple were walking to their vehicle, Alex grabbed the other woman's hand and swung them between their bodies. Giving Liv a sideways glance, she giggled teasingly, "For a strong, muscular, charming detective such as yourself, you're pretty much a wuss."

Alex's comment warranted a pout from the detective who was feigning hurt.

***

Finding Olivia curled into a ball later that night, asleep on the bed, made Alex smile. She carefully tipped-toed to the queen-sized bed, feeling it dip with her weight as she settled down onto it. She laid her arm on Olivia, letting her limb lazily follow the curve of the brunette's she rested her head against the wooden headboard, the blonde tickled the strip of exotic tan skin that showed between the her companion's pant-line and the hem of her tank top.

Absentmindedly, she began to play with the hem of Olivia's dark tank top. She felt the cotton fabric, rough against her sensitive fingertips. 'I love how she looks in these.'

Letting herself being overpowered by sleep a few minutes later, she kept her hold on the shirt, letting the fabric comfort her in a way her childhood blanket had in the past.

* * *

DID YOU MISS ME?! I missed you! I've got my writing-mood back! YES! and btw...Scene headbands are so sexy...right aly?


	15. News

A week later came the dreaded phone call.

"Yes, Dr. Quinton, this is her." A long pause. "Are you sure?"

Alex nodded out of habit and bit her lip softly. "Thank you, Doctor. I'll be sure to let her know. I'll also be making an appointment for later in the week. Yeah, thanks again. Bye."

She hung up the phone. She got up out of the chair ready to find Olivia. "Olivia, we need to have a talk," Alex said as she found her partner in the kitchen. The brunette looked up from the sink, her brown eyes as confused as ever. "Did I do something wrong?"

Alex smiled and walked fully into the room, "No, sweetie, it's about the doctor's appointment."

"Oh that." Olivia finished rinsing the soapy dishes and dried her hands with the towel. "What'd he say was wrong?"

Taking a deep breath, Alex mustered all her strength to say only two words: "Gestational Diabetes."

This was not the answer Olivia had expected. Or would have preferred. She just thought it was a regular pregnancy symptoms. "Are…are you sure?"

"Yes, Liv. He said the shakiness, sweating fevers, headaches, and weakness were symptoms of hypoglycemia. It's caused by not eating at the right time of day, if I don't eat enough, or if I skip a meal, which I have been known to do."

"Well," Olivia rubbed her temples, "you'll eat better, more often, and check your sugar. Right?"

"Right, but he said to tell you that this could very well affect our baby, Olivia," Alex murmured sadly.

'_I was afraid of that,'_ Olivia thought. "How so?"

"It can be born at an abnormal weight, which puts our baby in danger. It can have difficulty breathing, or may even be born with low blood sugar. I'm at a higher risk of having a cesarean section while delivering."

Trying to think of a way to lighten the mood, Olivia said, "You're certainly sounding like a little nurse."

"Yeah I guess so." Alex found herself in Liv's arms, burying into her soft embrace. "I'm just not in a joking mood."

"Neither am I, Alex."


End file.
